I made it to PreCal on time. RP was boring; I did my math homework. We went to the computer lab in Geology to make concept maps on the computers. That, by the way, is rather pointless. Concept maps don't help me learn.
Being taught helps me learn. Notes, discussions. Not endless lists of vocabulary words that I don't memorize because I don't have to (we can use our notes on the vocab/outline quizzes, and the last test was take-home). Lunch was the usual. Adkins was okay. At least I didn't have to accidentally overhear the juniors ranting about Class Day yesterday. English was also boring, mostly because all we did was listen to/read
Hamlet.
After school I started my homework. On top of regular crap, RP Chapter 2 is due Monday. I haven't started, mostly because I
have not had time. And I worry that I won't have time this weekend because of Homecoming. Something is obviously wrong. I used to be able to balance everything. I could do my homework and study and pull off A's, but still have time to read fics (it's been so long since I've done that) and beta (forgive me, Sims) and watch tv (I do homework while I watch now). And Greg never felt neglected because I try to do two other things while I talk to him.
I've never felt this depressed, this dejected, this stressed for so long. I think the last time I had a manageable stressload was last summer. Mid-summer, really, because as it wound down I realized I still had to do my History and English summer projects, as well as my RP paper. It all boils down to procrastination and managing things. I turned into a procrastinator at some point in high school, but that was okay because I could deal with it. Now, I put things off because there are things that need to be done yesterday before the things that are due in two weeks. My RP project sucks. I don't like science. I'm only in the program because my parents made me. I hate being controlled like that. I'm such a goody-goody because my parents never let me make mistakes. I have nothing to learn from. I'm too spineless to stand up to my mom, and she always wins anyway. I was too indecisive and stupid to figure out how to run this whole college application process the right way. And I'm too emotional to handle all this. It's not fair. Things aren't supposed to be this hard this soon. I have a lot of life to go, and sometimes I honestly fear I won't make it. And if I do, it won't get any better.
When you define a "good" day as one in which you didn't want to cry or didn't actually cry... what can you do?
