Why are men so difficult?
Those of you who have been reading my blog regularly will notice that there's always something missing. Boys. (Well, except Greg, but he's just... Greg.) It's not that I don't want to share my love life with all of you, it's just that... I don't really have one. Boys never seem to like me like that. I try not to let it get to me, but how can I avoid it? There's this place in my heart that's been empty for so long... and I think I'm finally going to be able to fill it. This is one of the most irrational things I've ever done (considering someone's probably monitoring the LAN), but:
Mark, if you're reading this, please know that I like you. I like you a lot.
The strange thing is, my hypothetical daydream-sort-of boys have always had the name Mark, because I can't use names of people I know. How appropriate that I should actually meet a Mark, and fall so hard for him. Mark makes my stomach do flip-flops when I think about him. When I'm around him, I want to tell him so many things, but I can't. It's too hard. I can't talk to people, can't tell them things to their face. But I want to.
So much. He sensed that something was bothering me yesterday. I tried to tell him all these things, how he makes me feel, but I can't put into words. I'm distraught over the thought of not being with him. But how can I be with someone I can't even talk to? I can't be like this for much longer, in this "will we - won't we" limbo. I need closure.
