My parents got their new mattress delivered this morning. My grandma came by, so there'd be an adult for the delivery. It's really thick, and very expensive, but my parents have had the same bedroom furniture since before I was born. No wonder my mom has back problems.
I talked for while with Mrs. Maus's friend Esther today. She's a very spiritual sort of person, the kind that feels God is involved in every aspect of life. That's never been me. Listening to her was still interesting. Like most older people, she is disgusted by the downward spiral youth, specifically ghetto people. She and Mrs. Maus reminisced about their school years, how they were all focused toward learning. I know there are exceptions in every generation, though. For every Sandy, there's a Danny Zuko. Esther emphasized that I should ask God for direction in my life now, since I'm having a directionless crisis. I don't know where I want to apply to school, or what I want to study once I get there. I've never really known. That's quite frightening. There's only so much time before I have to make a decision. Why is it that when you need time, you never have enough, but when you have more time than you can stand, you don't really need any of it?
I think what I'm trying to say is that I am lost. I don't know anything about my college plans. I don't know what career I want to pursue. I don't know what I'm going to do for RP. I don't even know what I want to do with Greg, Thomas, and Alanna this weekend. I am so clueless. That sucks. I could go for an epiphany right now. To just have this moment of clarity when I finally realize what I'm supposed to do. I'd settle for someone to just shove me in the right direction. Hard.
Sitting in this quiet house, all alone, gives me time to think. I was finishing the articles in this week's
Washington Post Magazine, one of which mentions periods of silence as "unwanted opportunities for contemplation." Yeah. Sometimes I don't want to think. I want to have so many things on my mind that I
can't think. Thinking can be dangerous. Or it can crush the spirit you've been working so hard to build.
